This country has a proud tradition of fighting social wars in an effort to achieve a more fair and just society. We have launched wars on drugs, illiteracy and poverty to name a few. The problem? We are as good at fighting social war as the French are at military wars. Oui monsieur, "I surrender"!
In order to fight a good social war, one needs politicians who are more than anxious to throw good money after bad to pander to their constituents and of course, get re-elected. Create entitlements, so everyone can join in the "free lunch". Who's paying, by the way? Oh yeah, the rich! You know, the top 2% of income earners who create all the jobs and pay 52% of taxes? The people that don't pay their fair share. Yep, those guys!
The War on Poverty was declared by Lyndon Johnson, who was as effective in Vietnam as he was right here at home. Remember the belief that we could have both "Guns" and "Butter"? Turns out we paid for both, but still ended losing BOTH wars! And, we ushered in a horrible period of inflation to boot.
This led Gerald Ford to declare War on Inflation, another war that was lost until Paul Volcker became Federal Reserve Chairman.
The War on Drugs has been just as successful. It's been so successful, in fact, that California is about to pass a proposition legalizing marijuana. Of course, we're in a military war in Afghanistan to protect Big-Pharma's supply of opium. Thank God the marijuana war was lost. With the Reefer State in deep budgetary hell, we need the commerce from the largest agricultural crop to help mend the yawning deficit.
The War on Drugs should have taken a cue from Prohibition. Banning alcohol during a Depression? That war led to the rise of organized crime and bootleggers. So now, we have wars on the mafia. And, our track record, I'm proud to say, remains perfect!
The War on Illiteracy has been another stunning success. Seen the latest English SAT scores? They keep falling like a rock. But, we now have some new Cabinets like Department of Education to ensure that our population is indoctrinated with liberal propaganda on our campuses. Success!
If you add up the total cost of these social wars, including the entitlement spending they created, you can see that these wars are the reason we have a parabolic budget deficit. Let's call the troops home, shall we?
The only war we COULD win would be the War On Social Wars! Let's declare peace on problems the government can't possibly solve. Let's have faith in the American people to address their problems if left alone by BIG BROTHER. Let's declare victory over useless, baseless government intervention.
This is a war we can win. Fire photon torpedoes...full spread!